With over six weeks gone by of some level of social distancing and no end in sight, many cohabiting couples and families have had less distractions and spend much more time with each other. Ideally, this would mean great quality time, lots of shared activities and great conversations, etc. Yet, China saw an increase in the number of divorces during their quarantine, and the US is expected to see the same. Although divorces are extreme cases, many couples at this time are experiencing a new type of strain to their relationship - too much time together. So how best can we adapt to the change in lifestyle?
Quality time
Being with loved ones for longer periods of time does not equate to that time being quality time Quality time is when both parties are fully engaged, and create a sweet spot for strengthening connection and fostering that safe place of empathy and understanding. With more interactions, there is a higher chance of dissonance of wavelengths, where both people are not on the same page. This may create some unpleasant feelings and negative thought process. Quality time taken out for yourself is just as important. It serves as an outlet to let out excess anxiety, emotional energy, increasing your focus and helping to maintain a goal-directed lifestyle. My partner and I have an individually restricted space just for our own personal and professional work, and we have scheduled times during the day where we spend undistracted, focused time with each other, usually during lunch and in the evenings. We plan activities throughout the week. My partner and I have found that these two methods have helped to carve out the time and place for us to meet at the same wavelength and have productive interactions, as well as strengthen our own creativity.
Gratitude
It is so easy to get caught up in the petty things of day-to-day life, especially without an outlet or other distractions. Being mindful that although one may live with another person, they may still live very differently, and sharing those feelings with your partner helps prevent one from bottling up. More importantly is creating a habit of practicing gratitude. Gratitude is a thankfulness of your current situation; it is a giving force of appreciation and understanding. It acknowledges each of our steps to be better and do better. But overall, it keeps us in a positive mindset with an understanding tone. Now more than ever, gratitude and empathy are so important for understanding the struggles of our loved ones, and the people around us. One game I found that helps foster this mindset is called the Gratitude Marble Game, where each person has an empty cup, and throughout the week, a marble is placed into a person’s cup as a sign of gratitude for them. The catch is that if a person finds themselves falling into a negative mindset, they empty their own jar as a physical sign of renewed energy and reemergence of the gratitude mindset.
I hope you all take this opportunity to really find that safe space for you and your loved ones, and find what works to foster the positive and loving energy during this time. Time is a resource that only we can make valuable and precious, and given this uncharacteristic abundance, we need to make it count.